Saturday, January 22, 2011

Forget crocheting I need a Xanax!

Like I've said before, crocheting is therapeutic for me. As well as creating in general. But as I sit here with a dent in my middle finger and my pinkie worn smooth from hours of mad crocheting I can't help but feel overwhelmed. I don't know what it is lately, or maybe I do. I am sick of feeling so anxious, to not be able to walk into a public place without feeling completely panicked. To feel alone, and helpless. I did force myself to go to hobby lobby tonight (alone) and buy a book and some more yarn. I hated every bit of it. From the time I left my car until I returned I was in sheer panic mode. Why can't I just go into public without having panic attacks like everyone else?
 This book has such beautiful pictures, and awesome crochet techniques. I can't wait to learn them!
Look at this awesome owl measuring tape & vintage crochet hooks that were in my book!

 I hate to be so negative, I try my hardest to put a happy face on my blog. I just can't do it tonight though, today was hard. I'll be the first to admit it, but tomorrow is a new day. I plan to wake up and after cleaning up a bit take my dogs on a nice little walk. I plan to make tomorrow be a good day. I hope that the sun will still be willing to come out, now that I am finally able to be off work when it happens. I need one good sunny day. I need a vacation, I need to get out of this dreary state even if it is just for one day.
*******************************
 I discovered today that I have  a mouse (or mice) in my house. I hate mice. I noticed when I went to get my dogs food bag out from under the sink. When I picked it up food started pouring out of the bottom of the bag. Upon further inspection I discovered a hole had been chewed through the bottom. Great. I promise I will be in better spirits tomorrow (or at least blog like I am). Maybe I shouldn't be blogging at 1:54 in the morning. Have a good Saturday everyone, AND don't forget to enter my giveaway. It ends at 11:00 pm tonight (saturday) 

15 comments:

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Awwww... Know what? I used to have panic attacks whenever I was out in public by myself. But I dunno, I eventually just kinda snapped out of it in college. Anyway, I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you. I hope you enjoy the weekend

Lauren said...

I've had a couple panic attacks before. It's horrible! I definitely feel for you.

Also: having a mouse is a total suck-fest. I've never had one in my actual house, but there was one in and around my dorm room freshman and sophomore years of college. Invest in tupperware and keep your stuff up high! Once the mouse got into a bag of dumdums and I was just like "WTF. How do mice eat lollipops?"

We actually keep our cat food in a big tupperware container because if we don't he eats through the bag. :P

Delirium said...

You know what's weird? We just found a mouse in the upstairs of my parents house. I love how Lauren put it 'a total suck-fest' hahah. Perfect description.

I think we are social anxiety soulmates.

P.S. Check your facebook messages in a few. :)

Hearthandmade said...

i had them years ago but i cant remember what fixed it.

I learnt to crochet last year and i loved it. made a giant blanket :)

Sarah said...

Heidi, I'm sorry you had a rough day and that you have mice (yikes!). The only thing that has ever helped me when I feel anxious and scared/angry/lost is prayer and exercise. So take those doggies on a good long walk and enjoy the beauty of the sky, clouds, sun, mountains, snow, or whatever else you see and say a big thank you. You are a beautiful daughter of God and don't you forget it!

PS. I had a mouse in my house a couple of months ago. I set poison anywhere I knew the dog wouldn't get it and I still found droppings everywhere! The only thing that worked was a glue trap under the sink where the most poop was. The only problem was that it was still alive stuck in the glue. Gross gross gross! Good thing the hubby was around to dispose of it.

la petite lydia said...

I am the same way. I really hate going out places alone. I get all worried and panicky and I am never at ease when I am alone. I am not sure why, either.

Eva said...

i'm sorry to hear that :(
i'm familiar with the struggle.

about the mouse, if you get traps make sure to put them around the perimeter of the room, mice always stick to the perimeter!

sherixfirefly said...

Aww honey,

Dont feel bad for having anxiety, it's not something you can control. I have suffered from agoraphobia for the past year because of my social anxiety, but i've learned that it is our bodies way of coping.

Always remember to treat yourself for any progress, but dont punish yourself if you just arent up to it. It's not your fault, you didnt chose it :)

Hope you feel better soon

Cheryl Xx

Chrissy said...

Oh no, a mouse...mice...hope you can get rid of them soon!

Sorry to hear your day wasn't as good! Hope you feel better tomorrow!

Hugs sweet Heidi xxx

Janna Lynn said...

Arghghgh mice..the pets you never wanted! But, I agree with all the others on their ideas of anxiety issues. I believe we all feel this to a certain level, and it is not fun! I heart you and send you positive thoughts! Hang in there, and you are doing well...I mean you did go into Hobby Lobby and get those things you wanted. Believe me...you gotta look at little triumphs, when I had to learn to walk again I would cry in frustration because I could barely make it around a small block of apartments...but that is because I was thinking about walking for miles. Now...I can walk for miles...after 1 it hurts pretty bad...but I can do it. I hope you feel less glum today! Hearts, Janna Lynn

amyschmamey said...

I'm sorry that you had a sucky day. I don't know what to tell you about the panic attacks. I don't get panic attacks on the norm... when I do, I am usually alone and thinking too much.

However, I do get anxiety when I am in a room full of people I don't know, or I am meeting new people. GAH! It stresses me out. I think it's because I am so self conscious. I hate that about myself.

I hope that tomorrow looks up... and that book looks killer! Enjoy it!

amylou said...

no need to put on a happy blog face all of the time hun! We all have bad days..in fact mine wasn't that great.

I'm so sorry about the panic attacks. I've had them before. no bueno! Hope today was better!

make your hubs get some traps where you can't see the mouse!! that sucks! I cried and wouldn't go to sleep this summer when we had one. I'm suck a baby when it comes to them!!

Breeanna @ a brilliant melody said...

My husband also hates public places, mainly crowded places. He gets overwhelmed and can't focus. It's because of his injury he suffered in Iraq. The places we go are very selective.

I hope things get better for you.

Gale said...

aww, heidi. it's saturday night and i hope you are feeling much better today. i can relate with you on anxiety attacks, especially with being social. i start to get real self conscious and paranoid about many things all at once. so i feel ya and from what i see on your comment page, you aren't alone. i really do hope things look up for you and you get some sunny days that you deserve.

take care now! :)

Liz said...

Anxiety is the worst. I understand your frustration... And I hate mice, too!
I hope that you have a much, much better weekend. :)

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