Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Day 12 - How you found out about Blogs and why you made one.

Okay let me first off start by saying this, everyone quit your whining about the snow it is magical. Alright now that's of my chest I can start day 12, what a glorious day.

Day 12 - How you found out about Blogs and why you made one.

A few years ago my older sister Thomalee started a blog. She lives in California and I am guessing that her blog was created in an effort to share their lives with her family in Texas and Utah. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) After a while of reading her blog I discovered a plethora of other blogs that I wanted to read/stalk. Soon after blogging caught fire, everyone and their dog had one. I didn't want to be part of this popular trend, so I just secretly stalked other peoples blogs. Finally I gave in last fall and decided to give it a try, mostly so that I could post pictures of my adorable new puppy Oscar
                                                                                             My nephew Joshua who lives in California was OBSESSED with looking at pictures of him.
this is his "pirate eye"
. When Aaron and I got married I decided to start blogging again so that we could look back on past events, and also so family members could get a better idea of what we were up to. I have to say, I love blogging and the friends that I have met while doing so. Which I hope to someday re-connect with. (not in a creepy way) Blogging also kind of helps me get out of my shell a little bit. One of the problems with blogging though is the fact that I am SO socially awkward. It is something that I have struggled with since I was young. I have a hard time leaving my house, going to the store, or going anywhere public. I am a lot better than I used to be but it is still an every day battle. Have you ever heard of Agoraphobia? What is Agoraphobia you ask? Agoraphobia is a fear of being in places where help might not be available. It usually involves fear of crowds, bridges, or of being outside alone. 
When I was in middle school I started getting severe anxiety every time I was at school or in any public place. It limited me from doing so much, everyday simple chores became nearly impossible for me.
               Every time my family would go to a restaurant I would become panicky and have an unexplainable urgency to leave immediately. Whenever my mother and I would go to the grocery store or the mall I would plead with her to give me the car keys so that I could get out of there as quickly as possible. School became unbearable. I was truant in every class and my grades were suffering. To this very day I deal with this. It never goes away. But you learn how to deal, you learn that a panic attack is not a heart attack. When your heart is racing so fast you feel like it is going to explode you learn how to breathe. 
just thought I would put a precious picture in this mess of words. Cute right? It actually hurt really bad. haha
               I hope to someday not be a social retard. I hope to be able to form new friendships, and not lose them because I rarely have the courage to go out in public. I hope that one day I can go to a movie with my husband in an actual theater and not count down the seconds until the movie is over so that we can leave and I can get outside for some air. 

So, if you actually read my whole sob story you are probably wondering what in the heck does this have to relate to day 12??? I'm a social retard in public, so why not try to be a socialite in cyberspace? At least on here I can feel normal.

Sob, sob, sob.. Whine, whine.... 





Whitney, Coty, and Mr. Mason said...

i dont normally say things like this because it might possibly make me look like an idiot or be taken the wrong way which in turn not only makes me look like an idiot but feel like one as well but i think the fact that you can actually sit there and talk about something that is really hard for you is a huge deal(mostly because i cannot about alot of things). i kinda feel the same way, not to the same extent you did/do but id much rather stay home and get a redbox than go to the movie because im constantly thinking about what people are thinking of me and i feel vulnerable(except harry potter premiers because we are all weirdos anyway). same goes for anywhere else but movies is just an example. i think you do really well so keep it up. please dont think im an idoit for saying this.

Gwiddle said...

I don't think that you are an idiot in the slightest bit! Thanks for commenting actually it makes me glad that someone can kind of relate:) AND I FREAKING love HARRY POTTER. It's like the only movie that I venture out to go see.

rubi said...

heidi, you're awesome. :)

Bonnie Heather said...

HEIDI. WE ARE TWINS. I'm serious. I ended up not even finishing High School due to my social anxiety! I am the most awkward person ever.

By the way? You are ridiculously pretty.

The United Statements of Merica said...

I always wished I was the "shy" type. Putting yourself out there doesn't necessarily mean you're (I'm) not awkward:)
Anyway. This is Merica.. I just wanted to drop you a line to say you are such a pretty lady. And i had no idea about your condition.. Anyway I would like to say something supportive but it's too early in the morning so I'll just say your easy shop is SO cute! Happy Halloween

Taylor said...

oh yes, you will def become a socialite in the blogging world! :) haha. it is so much easier to explain yourself online, huh?! i hate how my words don't come out in person how i want, but on the computer...much better! haha.

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